This can be a touchy subject because we always want to think that our relationship is or was different then the rest. When we get intimately involved with someone we don’t think how long this will last unless we sabotage the relationship to end early. When the relationship ends we then begin to question our own values. What did I do wrong? Or what Could I have done differently? The first stage we experience after a breakup is denial. If the break up was one-sided we begin to go through the denial stage. How could this be? Give it time he/she will be back. They are just mad. They need time to themselves, etc The excuses go through your head many times and every day you ponder a new reason to hold on. In this article I am not saying to let go and move on. That is up to you. I am just defining the different ways that you can help yourself to handle a broken relationship.
The second step you experience after a break up is grief. Many times we associate grief with a death or illness. But a breakup has all the same symptoms of a death or sudden illness. Grieving can last a few months or a few years. Many times you move on with your life and even with someone new and discover something about the past love and you begin to grieve again. It just depends on the history of the two involved that depends how long you will grieve. I say for a valid amount of grieving time to give yourself is for every 6 months that you were with the person add 3 months of grieving. So if you were in a relationship with someone for 3 yrs, a valid amount of grieving time would be 9 months. If you were in a relationship for a year and find yourself grieving for 2-3 yrs then you must ask yourself some very valid points. Were you obsessed with the person or co-dependent? Was this the only relationship you had and a couple years have gone by and no other relationship has come into your life. Many times we hold onto our old loves because we think that person was “the one” for us because we have not seen anyone new in our lives.
As you grieve you begin to slowly let go of the past. You begin to see the bad qualities of the other person and you see why the relationship was unhealthy. But this also leads to the next step, anger. We usually associate anger with relationships because sometimes we want to not look at our own wrong doing. We put blame on the other person. We point the finger as to why they did everything wrong. We even have anger toward ourselves and regret even meeting the person. Sometimes it ends up being costly. We may have helped them get through a tough time financially or emotionally. You may go through a time when you feel you are “‘owed” for all the time you have contributed to this person. This is a time when you need to focus on where your anger is being aimed at. This anger could be focused on the time invested with this person. You may feel that you wasted 5,10,20yrs with this person all to have the relationship end. You must look at what positives this brought to you so you can move forward. Did both of you bring children into your lives, a successful life and financial security. This does not have to be financial co-dependency. I mean financial security. in other words the person taught you how to be successful in your own business ventures. They gave you the encouragement you needed to build your own independence. This person wasn’t all bad they were in a way like a mentor for you. But the anger over powers the positive qualities this person brought to the relationship. This process can last years.
The next stage is letting go. Not only to let go of the anger but to of the pain and sorrow that was brought to the relationship. You need to let go of all negative energy before you can make others happy. Let go of the blame and release yourself
Finally forgive! This is different then letting go. To let go is simply to move on with your life, date others, carry on with a new lover but to forgive is to release the emotional and any psychological traits that have been carried on since the relationship came to an end. If you can now look at this person as a friend or even someone you can have a conversation with without saying hurtful to them then you have learned to forgive. When you think of the person are you thinking of the good memories or all the troubles they put you through. If you are focusing on the positive traits then you are not only letting go but forgiving to. If you don’t eventually learn to forgive then you are holding yourself back from being completely happy.
To summarize
Stages of a breakup
Denial
Grief
Anger
Letting Go
Forgiving
Article written by Cynthia a.k.a The Psychic One
Psychic Readings $1.89/min 800-275-5336 ext 0234
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